Here’s how much you’re going to eat, drink, watch and unwrap on Christmas Day
Wizzard might wish it could be Christmas everyday, but it's probably just as well, because you'd end up an obese, bankrupt shell of your former self within… let's say a couple of weeks.
That's not us being Scrooge-like, but looking at the evidence it's clear any more than one Christmas Day a year would put a huge strain on your bank card – and your belt.
Here's how much you'll eat on Christmas Day
Britons are expected to eat somewhere in the region of 7,000 to 8,500 calories on the "big" day – that's four-times a women's daily intake and around three-times a man's.
Turkey might not be too bad for you, but all those extras like goose fat potatoes and pigs in blankets certainly add up: Christmas dinner alone is estimated to come in at a whopping 3,289 calories.
The UK isn't the worst country in the world – that honour goes to the US, where a Christmas dinner tops the leader board at 3,291 calories – but it comes in at a very close second, followed by France (3,2197), Portugal (3,209) and Germany (3,168).
But if you include breakfast, snacks, cheese, another slice of cake… it's easy to see how those calories add up before the day is out.
Here's how much you'll drink on Christmas Day
Dry January is just around the corner, and for some of us it can't come too soon. That's because, according to a recent survey, when it comes to 25 December, we're expected to drink an average of 18.5 units in one day.
Men are not supposed to drink more than three to four units on a single day, or 21 units across the week, while women are supposed to drink two to three units maximum in a day, or 14 units in a week.
On top of that, there's also the calorific intake – this would be equivalent to nearly 1,250 calories from alcohol alone.
Here's how much you'll unwrap on Christmas Day
Of the £800-plus that each of us is estimated to spend on Christmas, more than half of it goes on gifts. We are pretty generous, tending to buy 14.8 presents for 8.3 people.
On average, therefore, you can expect 1.7 presents from each of your present-buying family members and good friends, with an average value of £31. Or, more likely, something cheap and then a hoverboard, drone or onesie.
Here's how much you'll watch on telly on Christmas Day
Christmas is a time for family. But, after the first hour's novelty has worn off, we tend to want to turn on the TV, tune in and drop out (or, zone out of yet another anecdote about that time Auntie Marjorie left the oven on and ruined Christmas for everyone). Yeah, you could play a game, but it's much easier to slump back and think of EastEnder-land.
We watch five hours of festive telly on Christmas Day – an impressive feat considering all the eating and present-opening that also takes place. And in case you're wondering, you burn off between 55 and 70 calories per hour watching TV.