How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? Here are 2016’s best alternative Christmas cracker jokes
With Brexit, Donald Trump and mad political party leadership races dominating the nation’s attention, 2016 will be remembered as a year when people really got interested in politics.
The final piece of proof? Brexit – surely no laughing matter – has won a joke competition, narrowly beating Sports Direct and BHS (proving that it has even been an interesting year for business news).
UKTV’s comedy channel Gold today reveals the top 20 “modern Christmas cracker jokes”, submitted on Twitter, shortlisted by a panel and voted for by 2,000 British adults.
Read more: Most "Yahooed" in 2016: Featuring Brexit, Bowie, Mourinho and… Yahoo
Here are the top 20:
1. How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels. 20%
2. What do workers at Sports Direct get for Christmas dinner? About 5 minutes. 19%
(More Sports Direct fun: Here's everything that's happened at Sports Direct over the past year)
3. How do you recognise a Christmas tree from BHS? All the branches have gone. 17%
4. I bought my mum Mary Berry's cookbook for Christmas, I tried to get Paul Hollywood's but he'd sold out. 14%
(Source: Getty)
5. What's David Cameron's favourite Christmas song? All I Want For Christmas is EU. 14%
6. Why has Hillary Clinton asked Santa for a 23-letter alphabet? Because she is sick of F.B.I. 13%
7. Why didn't Roy Hodgson go to visit Santa at The North Pole? He couldn't get past Iceland. 12%
8. Why are Jeremy Corbyn's Christmas cards on the floor? His cabinet collapsed. 12%
9. Philip looks out of the window on Christmas Eve: 'That's some reindeer' he says. The Queen replies: '63 years. Yes, that is a lot.' 11%
10. What's the difference between the clementine in your Christmas stocking and Donald Trump? Nothing, they're both a little orange. 10%
11. What do you get if you cross Donald Trump with a Christmas Carol? O Comb Over Ye Faithful. 10%
12. What's the best advice you can give at the UKIP Christmas party? Avoid the punch. 9%
(More: Ukip leadership hopeful Steven Woolfe in hospital after 'altercation' with other Ukip MEPs)
13. Why did the three wise men only have frankincense and myrrh? Because Team GB took all the gold. 8%
14. Which parent is likely to do the Christmas shop at Tesco this year? Dad might, Marmite not. 8%
(Source: Getty)
15. Why can't the England football team play Yahtzee this Christmas? Because they got rid of Allardyce. 8%
Read more: The best jokes from Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton’s speeches last night
16. I can't get to the chocolates in my advent calendar. Foiled again.8%
17. Why is Bob Dylan's sleigh so quiet? Because it has Nobel. 7%
18. Why is everyone filing for divorce and custody of the kids this Christmas? Tis the season to be Jolie. 7%
(London School of Economics lecturer to divorce actor husband)
19. Who might be cooking Christmas dinner at Number 10 this year? Theresa May. 7%
20. Why can't Mary Berry eat turkey sandwiches? Paul Hollywood took all the bread. 4%